It's Christmas time!

I cannot believe it is Christmas Eve!! So, I have finally finished all of my Christmas shopping. I think. I hope. :)

Someone please remind me to start my Christmas shopping in January 2009. I cannot believe I waited until the absolute last minute this year. This year was the worst. That will be one of my New Year's resolutions for 2009: start Christmas shopping early! :)

What made it worse was the fact that the few people I actually had seen things for, I waited to see if I could find anything else. Then by the time I went shopping again, it was too late. I ended up getting gift cards. *gasp* shock* Yes, I know, after my whole speech on gift cards last night, I actually bought three, count them, three gift cards. Oh, well. I thought, and thought, and the clock was ticking. "Its the thought that counts," right?

Either way, its going to be a good Christmas. Why? Because my brother is in town...and I will spend time with my family...I am off of work for a couple weeks for the holidays, so I get to spend time with some special friends that I don't get to see often.....and at this time next year I will be an Auntie! There are lots of wonderful things to Celebrate! Bless you all!

May you all have a Very Merry Christmas!!!

Twilight

Yes, I must talk about it. In one of the last few blogs I mentioned jumping on the bandwagon, and going out to read Twilight. That was before my poor little computer got sick. Well, not only did I read Twilight, in... like, four days just so I could have it read before I saw the movie on the day it came out.... but I went all out. I was halfway through New Moon before I saw the movie... the first time. Yes, I said first time.. I did watch it a second time. Had to. I'll get to that in a minute. So, not long after I saw the movie, I finished New Moon and within that next week I finished Eclipse.... and the week after I finished Breaking Dawn. The only reason it took me so long to finish Breaking Dawn was because I had to work. If I didn't have to work, I may have sat in bed, reading cover to cover all day not even stopping to eat. Yes, it was THAT good.

I will not go into detail about the last three books in the saga, because I don't want to ruin anything for anyone. Everyone has seen the movie (if you haven't you MUST) so I can talk about it.... :)

So, the first time I saw Twilight, the movie, I hated it. I realize hate is such a strong word, but hear me out. The book was FABULOUS. No changes needed. The movie changed A LOT of what was in the book. A great deal was left out and a great deal was added. So, having just finished the book when I saw the movie, I was sitting there the whole time screaming in my mind "NO, THAT'S WRONG! THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!!!"

Perhaps it would be better to watch the movie, then read the book... I don't know because that's not how I did it. But, then, after some thought, and especially after reading my favorite blog, Clever Girl, I decided to give it another try. This time, instead not comparing it to what i knew about the book. This time my goal was to watch it with fresh eyes, to watch it for the movie. Period.

So, the second time, it was good. As a movie, it was very good. Still, there is some part in my mind that thinks it could have been better. In fact I know it could have been better. For example...

in the movie, Bella and Edward have just barely met before they confess their undying love. Very unrealistic. That part, drives me crazy. In the book, they get to know each other for weeks before they announce "the lion falls in love with the lamb." She asks him many many questions, he asks her many many questions. They get to know each other better than what the movie shows.

The other big, BIG thing that was changed in the movie that drives me crazy is the whole part around the climax. When the Cullen family meets the other vampires, all the way up until the hospital scene. That whole part was changed, and not for the better. For starters, leaving the baseball game, that entire conversation and exit scene was deleted and changed. What the book had was beautifully written. Then, James' phone call to Bella, the conversation that took place was clever. That's all I will say... you have to read it. Then, the way Bella "escaped" from Alice and Jasper in the hotel. Oh, please. Did they give that any thought whatsoever when they made the movie? Knowing Alice can see what will happen once people change their mind, and knowing their heightened senses as vampires, do you really expect me to believe it would be that easy for Bella to escape? Come on. The book's version? Brilliant. Oh, and not to mention, there is more information on Alice in the book that the movie didn't mention even once.

All of the other parts I can deal with.

Bella's cell phone, that should be an old fashioned computer.
The first encounter with Jacob Black and his father.
Laurent, Victoria, and James' presence before the baseball game.
The combining of two dances into one.
The combining of several of Edward and Bella's trips into one.
The change of cars.
The school trip.
Bella's lullaby scene.
The accident scene.
The hospital scene.
The absence of the blood typing day in school.

... just to name a few. Not to mention, entire conversations that were beautifully written. All of this does not even include things that were thought throughout the book, which, obviously cannot be shown in the movie. I know that. But a lot of the things that were left out, were important too.

All of that being said, I will say some things that were positive about the movie. We'll close on a good note.

The part where Edward saves Bella from the guys in the alley in Port Angeles. That was done well.
Casting was done well. I LOVE Alice's character. And Emmett, and Jasper, and Jacob, and Carlisle, and Esme, Bella's mother, Laurent, James, Jessica... and of course Bella and Edward. They were all great.
The way the Cullen house was depicted. Nice. Graduation caps? Nice touch...
Ok, I have to say this about Edward's room. I actually had several dreams EXACTLY like his room...its kind of creepy. I even dreamt of going in and out of the room through the open wall like that.
Which brings me to my next point, the scene in the trees, that was beautiful.
Prom night, the scenery, the way it was filmed, that was perfect.

Verdict?
Book : ***** five stars
Movie: *** three stars

I am a walking contradiction..

I love to recieve gift cards. Gift cards are awesome, if they are for the right location. Its like a mini shopping spree, its great! BUT, I don't like to give gift cards. They don't really show that the person put much thought into the gift. I don't like to give gift cards unless I am SURE that it is to a place that they love, and that they need and will use it. There is one exception, though. More than I love to get gift cards, I LOVE surprises. And I love to get a great gift from someone who obviously put a lot of thought into me and the gift. My dad did a fabulous job of this last year!

Keeping that in mind, I make things extremely difficult on myself during the holidays. I love to give gifts that show people that I thought about them. I love to make things for people, to show them I put time and effort into something just for them. I am a perfectionist, so I want things to be just right. For example, I am drawing a picture of Marilyn Monroe, one of my sister's favorite people, for her for Christmas. I have drawn 3 Marilyns so far. I am not satisfied with any of these...I may draw a few more... who knows? She may or may not be just as happy with a gift card to Best Buy. One thing about making gifts for people, also, is the price factor. Obviously.

So during the holidays, I scour the stores for the perfect gift for someone. Usually its not something specific I have in mind for someone, but when I see something it just jumps out at me, and screams that person's name: "HELLO! WOULDN'T I LOOK JUST PERFECT IN YOUR DAD'S HOUSE?" That hasn't really happened this year. That's why, at two days before Christmas, I have five unfinished homemade gifts, and maybe three or four gifts that I need to get for people. I know I don't have to put myself through this. I can go down to Fatz or Target and get gift cards and be done with it. I WANT TO. I want to do this. So, I can't really complain. My loved ones who put up with me during this time of year? Bless you.

I stress myself out for weeks, ( because for some reason Christmas still seems like 6 months away at Thanksgiving .. oh, I have plenty of time... right) for what? For the look on that person's face when they open their gift. Because, hopefully, if I did it right, they will know that no matter what it cost, I cared to put time and effort into their gift. And they will just LOVE it. (In a perfect world.) But then, it will all be worth it. I don't care what I get, really. That small heartfelt smile on that one single day out of the year. That's what the craziness is all for. That's all I want.

HOOORAY!!

So it looks like I got one of the things I wanted for Christmas! A week early! My computer, obviously is back. Oh, how I have missed it. My poor darling computer was sick now it has been healed. Just in time, too, since I am off for the next two weeks... Christmas vacations are FABULOUS!!! So, hopefully I will have time to spend on my blog which has been sadly neglected for a while. HOOOORAAY!!!

Normally this would be the point where I say crazy moment over, but, no. That is not my mind. My mind is full of crazy. Its beautiful like that. I love it. I had actually started writing on paper *gasp* **shock** .. yes, its true. I wrote down some of the things that were on my mind... That helped some. It is such a huge weight off to get some of the things in my head out. I may, or may not add what I wrote on paper onto my blog... it just depends. On what, I don't know. I don't really have a point or know where I was going with that. I'm just here. Following where my fingers lead me. The smaller parts of my brain are working now, the crazy chaotic things that float around some of the bigger, (not more important, just more functional) parts of my brain are working with my fingertips to give you what you read on the screen. No thought process whatsoever. I am on vacation. So is the greater part of my brain, apparently..... It's like someone said at work tonight, "I just want to go home and watch something on TV that requires absolutely no thought." I kind of feel like that in a way. I just had a rough and wild night, I am just so thrilled to be home and in my pajamas, with my dear computer back. Dorky, yes. Do I care? No.

Well, I am off to "fry my brain" in front of the television as my mother would say.

See you soon!! (I can actually say that and mean it now!!)

You're Beautiful

I feel great. I mean, I feel wonderful. I don't remember the last time I've been in such a good mood for such a long period of time. I'm sure I have felt this way before.... but you'll have to watch a replay of my life to figure out when. And when you do, please let me know. I'm clueless.

Anyhoo. Why do I feel great? I realized fairly (but not really because obviously my computer has diarhhea and I can't blog as often as I want... :( ... ) recently that I am not the same person I was several years ago. Physically, yes, of course, but as far as my personality I had changed somehow and somewhere over the years. I had adapted some of Mr.'s personality traits. He's wonderfully honest but when he doesn't care, he REALLY doesn't care and will let it be known. Anyway.... I guess I've become kind of cranky... or bitchy.... whichever you prefer. I used to be more silly and I have hidden that part of me because of the way certain people respond to me being silly. Now, I have other certain people in my life that LOVE the silly part of me, they embrace it and encourage me to be myself. ...you know who you are. Thank you!

So.....Besides the fact that I'm being myself more, for the first time in YEARS ... I feel attractive. I've had major self-esteem issues since puberty. What girl doesn't? Especially in this society.... but I'm not sure what has caused it exactly.... but I truly feel like running up and down the street singing "I Feel Pretty, Oh, So Pretty!" But that would be cocky, and I'm not cocky so I won't. And I might. If I feel like it. Why not? Why not let the world know you don't have to be a size 6 to feel beautiful?

Something else that's funny lately.... I've lost a couple pounds. All of the above may or may not be related to this. I don't know. I've not done anything differently.. that I can think of anyway. However, when people started asking me if I've lost weight instead of asking when I'm due.... then I started to wonder. Soooo, I weighed myself, and lo and behold I have lost like almost ten pounds. Cool. You would think I would have noticed in my clothes... but come to think of it I did go up a notch in my belt on Halloween. Whichever. Like I said, I feel great. And that's what is important, right?

Remind me to tell you about all of the funny, silly things that have popped up in my head recently. It's weird. And kooky. And that's the way I like it! But that's a blog for another day (someday soon, I hope.)

@-->--- A rose for all of the beautiful people out there who are not recognized, but deserve it!

I'm back! Well, Kind of...

I've been away again. This time not intentionally nor for a good reason. My computer decided to take a big poop. :( I still may not be able to get on as often as I would like until it gets fixed.... which might take a while.

I've gotten the urge to start another painting. I'm not sure of the composition yet, but I think it would be fun to paint all the beautiful colors of autumn leaves. Rich reds, warm orange, and brilliant yellows start to bloom on the mountainside like spring flowers in a field. Who wouldn't love to live near that?

In other news, I think I may have to break down and read "Twilight." After reading my favorite Blog, Clever Girl Goes Blog, and after much buzz about the series I have decided to check it out. Usually when something gets a big craze, I resent it. I still haven't given Harry Potter a try. I heard a lot from a friend about "Twilight", too. But it kind of turned me off the book even more because he was talking about it ALL THE TIME. Which is a trend for him... if he likes something, believe me you will know because it is all he has on his mind.... and it must have taken him three months to read the book because that's all I heard all summer long. I was starting to wonder how long it takes to read the book. But I'm getting off topic. I also just finished "The Secret Life of Bees" a couple days ago. I wanted to read it before I saw the movie. Another reason why I'm going to read "Twilight." The movie comes out this winter.

I'm rambling a little bit today, I'm just so happy to get to write something. I never imagined I would miss my little blog so much, and I've not even had it that long. I guess it's like my baby. :)

Oh, speaking of "The Secret Life of Bees" have you heard about jennifer Hudson's family? How sad is that? The movie just came out and she should be celebrating its success, but instead three members of her family have been murdered this weekend (last I heard). My thoughts and prayers are with her.

Oh, I was an outstanding citizen today! I voted! Not only did I vote, but I voted early! Yay me! I'm not going to tell you who I voted for. I'll just let you guess because I don't like to get into debates about things that have been going on for what seems like 4 years. I can't wait until Tuesday. Maybe then I will stop getting all of the junk mail from the candidates. Here's to hoping the next four years are better than the last eight!!

I've had a song stuck in my head for the past couple of days. "I want you to want me." At least it's a good song. I've got a 70's CD with lots of wonderful songs but that seems to be the only one that wants to play in my CD player. Go figure. :)

Like I said, I'm rambling today. About nothing and everything. And I wish I could go on for another hour but, unfortunately time does not allow. Hopefully I'll be back soon.

Don't color outside the lines!

I was totally blank yesterday. I was all ready to write. I wanted to write. I had the screen up and ready... nothing. NOTHING came to mind. Well... kind of. Its hard to tell if I have so many things floating around in my pretty little head that I've blocked them all out, or if I'm really an airhead and there is nothing there. Ever have that problem? Anyway I ended up sitting there, looking at the computer screen for like two hours.



So, I went looking for something to talk about. (Meanwhile my friend probably thinks I'm a complete lunatic for staring at the computer screen forever. ) I ran across an archive in one of my favorite blogs (Clever Girl Goes Blog) and got an idea. Its one of those photobucket quizzes you see everywhere. I thought it was a good idea since I couln't think of anything to say, and "a picture is worth a thousand words." But then I realized it would take me forever because I would like to look at all the pictures and then pick the one I like best.... so I decided to do it another rainy day. After all of that... I ended up with nothing. Obviously.



Today, is another story. I actually have something to talk about today if you couldn't tell already.

And I froze. For like 30 minutes. I said I had something to talk about then nothing. How sad is that? I had the same problem at work this afternoon, too. Ok, let me back up and start at the beginning. So, I moved to a new area this year and the people who occupied the space before me took literally everything out, so I had a blank canvas to start with. Pretty cool, right? So, we got a little here and there, its a work in progress and we're poor. So it was looking kind of "just got out of college and got my first place so I have some hand me down furniture and a bunch of mis-matched things from yard sales and thrift-shops"-esque. It wasn't the Ritz-Carlton, but it was cute. Like I said, a work in progress.

Anyhoo.

My boss requested to have some furniture moved from another building (that no one is using) to our area...and the request was denied. GRRR. Back to the drawing board. So, while I was off over the weekend, apparently we had some visitors.... and the visitors made some comments about how the place looked. So, the big wigs got mad, then my boss got mad, and eventually I was mad too. Lovely. So after the big wigs got mad, my boss went out and bought some stuff (think: the 70's, lace, frou frou, cheap halloween decorations and floral prints) and went into my area and moved stuff around and redecorated. That, by itself made me mad. I hate for people to move my stuff around. It looked, (excuse me, looks) like a nursing home. I don't work in a nursing home. Wondermus.

So, I moved a couple things back. Then my boss came in and chewed me out... I held it together until after she left then I lost it and cried. A moment of weakness, I know, but unless you were there you can't judge me. It goes without saying that my area still looks like a nursing home... and I can't do anything about it. It is, literally, driving me crazy. I feel oppressed. I'm suffocating. It's awful. All of this has ultimately resulted in a complete block of all creativity. I realize that I should probably talk to my boss about this, but I haven't worked up the guts yet. I know I didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, and it has been several years since a supervisor has made me feel that way. I guess the way my mind works, the limitations set on how I am allowed to place my furniture has transferred to limiting how I am allowed to express my ideas.

Is it crazy to think all of this has carried over to my little blog, causing me to limit my creativity here, too?

Where did you go?

What would the world be like if no one could lie? I have always thought that honesty is always the best policy. However, there are some things people just shouldn't ask, though they will anyway. Some things just need to be kept private. Would the divorce rate be higher? or lower? How would lawyers and politicians do their job? Do the people from the TV show "Moment of Truth" know the aswer? As kids, we are taught not to lie. As adults we lie daily. "How are you doing today?" "Fine." Even though we are having a really crappy day, that is the 'polite' answer, right? But as a friend pointed out to me recently, its not polite to lie, so its not REALLY the polite answer. Some adults make their living from lying. They get paid money (a lot of money, usually) to lie. What about that little white lie, to protect someone's feelings? "Yes, I love that outfit on you!" (it makes you look like a circus tent!) If I ever look that bad in something, PLEASE tell me.

Wasn't it so easy as a kid, to say "I want to be an actress... or a painter... or a policeman.... or a teacher..." or whatever you were passionate about. Why does that become so complicated as an adult? Yes, I just totally just reminded myself of "Mr. Deeds."

As a kid, you know exactly who you are, what you like and what you don't like. Why do so many adults have to go "find themself"? Where did you go? What happened to us that made us lose that part of ourself?

The kid versions of ourselves would kick our adult asses.

A quick review

So, it has been a few days. Oh, how I have missed you dear friend. It has been a long weekend full of family togetherness and everything that comes with family time. I would elaborate, but I'm still sorting it all out myself.



Anyhoo.

I've had a bad couple of days at work. Normally I would go into detail and analyze every little bit. Not this time. This time I will just say I was treated badly and I've learned from my experience. I will not dwell. I will not analyze. I will not obsess. Because of this, I will be a stronger person. (I'm telling myself this as much as I am you. Just so you know. )

So, I finished "Beneath a Marble Sky"... finally. It normally doesn't take me that long to read a book. This one was not quite an easy read. That does not make it a bad book by any means, it was quite a good book. I enjoy historical fiction novels. This particular one was based on the legend that the Taj Mahal was built for a lost love. It is a beautiful story.

Thus concludes the past couple of days. I am running out of time, so I will stop here for now. But I look forward to coming back later.

I don't wanna grow up....

I have an interview. In the morning. I just found out this afternoon. Normally I don't tell ANYONE until I actually get the job. I tell myself its to avoid jinxing myself, but truly its just to avoid embarrassment if I don't get the job. This time... I don't know if I even want the job. I love my job now. No, I don't see myself working in this exact position for 30 years, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave yet. I work second shift now, the job is first shift. My husband works third. I am a night owl, not an early bird. I love the kids I work with now. The job I applied for is a T.A. ; and part of the reason I even applied in the first place was because of my mother.

Ah, yes, we've brought out the family card. Now there's a can of worms you DON'T want to tackle. But take it or leave it, its part of me.

So, every time a job opening comes open, especially one first shift she makes sure to let me know. And asks me every time we talk if I've applied yet. Now, this is entirely my fault that I let this go on (because I'm chicken shit but let's not get into that today) and I've told her about a Special Education program that is offered in our town starting next year. The classes are offered at night. See the connection? I can take classes in another town during the day, but it is a 45 minute commute, one way.

Here's the other problem. Everyone (parents and friends) seems to want me to go into education and become a teacher. Both of my parents are teachers. A very dear friend of mine who passed away last year, saw a lot of her younger self in me. Her dream was to become a teacher and she never reached that goal. Thus, she wanted me to become a teacher. I guess that all of these people probably think it is my dream to become a teacher. I'm not so sure that is true. Honestly, I don't know what I want to do exactly. I just know I want to get my Bachelor's degree. Soon. If I keep going in Special Education, I should have a little over a year left to graduate.

My problem is I want to do it all. Why pick just one thing? Here is what I have narrowed it down to: Art, Art therapy, photography, interior design, interpreting, wedding planning, child therapy....This is just a brief list of things that I am interested in, in no particular order. If I dedicate one day a week to each of these, I'll get to do everything I love! In a perfect world, right?

Back to the original problem... and my temporary solution. I interview tomorrow. Just because I interview, doesn't mean I get the job... and just because they offer me the job doesn't mean I have to take the job. So, technically I still have some time to think it through....

As my mind wanders...

I had a few minutes to let my mind wander today....this is what I thought about.

* Why are pineapples called pineapples? They don't look or taste anything like an apple, and they don't grow on trees. Why not pinepeach? or spikeymelon? Just curious...

* Was Smurfette a hoe? She was the only female smurf (that I remember) and there were a ton of guys.. and some kids.... Either a hoe or one lucky girl?

* What kind of drugs are the people who come up with cartoons now on? Ed, Ed, and Eddie? Poke'mon? Spongebob? I mean, seriously... if you are running out of ideas, just ask for help I am sure someone can come up with something better. Why is something that looks like someone scrubbed their bathroom with a hit television show? Whatever happened to Fraggle Rock? the Jetsons? Gummi Bears? ..or even the classic looney tunes or disney cartoons? I feel sorry for these kids now who are our future, growing up watching a bathroom sponge courting a squirrell at the bottom of the ocean. If I offend anyone, too bad. If you are old enough to remember what Fraggle Rock is, you probably agree with me.

* Why can't people look past a person's appearance to who they truly are? At this day and age, you would think we have gotten past all of the ignorance and immaturity of prejudice. As Gwen Stefani so eloquently puts it, "We've got a long way to go."

* I still think it sucks that I can watch everything I eat and exercise just to prevent from gaining weight, while my sister can eat everything under the sun that she feels like and not exercise but she, as Mr. likes to put it, looks like a zipper if she sticks out her tongue. Yeah, yeah genetics... blah blah blah... metabolism... blah blah blah...Why can't I donate some of my gut so she can have a butt and some boobs like a woman is supposed to?... And why do people ask what's wrong with me that I'm a big, curvy woman, and she is not? What's wrong with her (not just her but all of the girls in the world that are like this...) ?She eats more than I but looks like Paris Hilton. Doesn't make much sense to me either....

* Why do some shows have to end? Like they said, nobody wants to see "Friends" in their thirties, married with children... Yes, I do. After all that will they, won't they drama, you're telling me I can't actually see Ross and Rachel as a couple? ... and whatever happens to people who disappear off television shows? "Family Matters" for example, Judy and Aunt Rachel disappear after like the first or second season. Aunt Rachel's son Richie still exists, without explaination where his mother is. How much sense does this make?

* Has anyone heard about the guy in Indonesia who had tree-ish branches growing out of his body? No joke, I'm not making this up!! (look it up.. Discoveryhealth.com) Explain that, science! Ok, so maybe they did.. they said its basically HPV out of control.... (I'm going to be a total girl right now..) EEW, GROSS!!

On a happier note...

* Has anyone ever chased a rainbow? Just to see how close they could get? Get back to me on that one... I'd like to visit Dorothy in Oz....

Treats

You know you have a good haircut when nearly three months after you get your hair done, people are still giving you compliments and asking if you just got your hair done. "Um... no, I got it done last June, but thank you" (thank you for not noticing the roots that I can so clearly see in the mirror). So the comments stopped about two weeks ago, and considering I just got paid, I thought I would treat myself to another nice haircut, color and wax. I just love how I feel afterwards.

I also treated myself to a new cell phone. I have been waiting for almost a year to get a new one. I did have a Motorola Q and the battery life was SO short, I had to carry a charger with me everywhere. I got the new Env2 yesterday in maroon. Its so pretty. I love it. Now, I may be eating ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the month, but it was worth it not having to put up with the headache my old phone gave me.

So, I'm kind of driving Mr. crazy this weekend. Not on purpose. I love him, but it is pretty funny. See, I'm babysitting. I'm babysitting a stuffed animal for a kid. (I say kid, but this kid is a senior in high school. Hey, we are all kids at heart!) So, I went to the dollar store to look for some little doll clothes and diapers for the "baby." As something to make my friend laugh, I decided to take pictures of the adventures the monkey and I will have this weekend. Kind of like the garden gnome on "Amelie." So I've got pictures of this monkey with me getting my hair done, at Target, at Verizon, playing RockBand2 and even having a late night meal at Denny's.

Mr.- "You don't think you are going a little too far with this?"
Me- "No, why?"
Mr.- "You're sewing clothes for a stuffed animal!"
Me- "Yeah, they were too big, I had to alter them to fit."
Mr.- "It's a stuffed animal, it doesn't need clothes! ... And you're a grown woman carrying around a stuffed animal. It's a little embarrassing!"
Me- "Only embarrassing to you. You're the only one not having any fun."

As someone who generally likes to stand out from the crowd, its funny how he is getting worked up about this.

I feel like Mulan - "When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

I don't play poker. I probably should. I'm told I have a great poker face. The problem is I wear that poker face all the time. Much, much more than I should.

I used to be misunderstood a great deal because of this. I still am, to those who don't know me well. Sometimes it is a good thing, in the face of drama or danger I am able to keep my cool. I guess the problem occurs when something really great and exciting happens, my expressions and behavior don't match what I'm feeling. I know that sounds strange. When someone tells me they just got into a great university inside I'm thrilled for them. Bursting at the seams, absolutely, positively thrilled. Instead of smiling, and saying, thats great news (which is what I actually did) I should have given them a hug and a huge flashing smile and said "I'm so proud of you."
My response was decent I guess, but for being one of the first people this person told, it just didn't seem like enough to me.

That seems to happen a lot. Something will happen, and my mind freezes. Goes completely blank, like when you are taking a test, only I actually don't have that problem with tests. My mind is backwards. I just cannot think of what to say until HOURS afterwards. I wish I could be one of those quick, witty, friendly, bubbly, approachable people. I just never learned how.

Rollercoaster Ride

It is officially the first day of October. I know, I know, everyone says it. But, I swear it feels like September 1st was last week. Wow. But I'm so very glad it is October, mainly because it ia pay day. Hooray!!!

Anyhoo.

Today was a rollercoaster ride. It started out up, because, I got paid. Obviously. Then I was running late for my first job. Downward slope. After that, I enjoyed a bit of lunch with Mr. and went to work this evening on a high note. Long, steady incline. Not long after I started my shift, I found out some of the negative energy I was telling you all about was quadrupling its power today. Downward spiral. Then I spoke with my supervisors. They are brilliant, wonderful women, let me tell you. I couldn't ask for better bosses. Anyhoo. They came up with a plan to counteract... the drama. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Worked like a charm. Oh, and did I mention that my car is fixed? I can drive myself to and from work and go get myself food. At this point, I am no longer on the rollercoaster; I am riding in a hot-air balloon.

I am loving it. So, thank you to all of the well-wishers who read yesterday's blog... all one of you. (You know who you are.) Gracias. Danke. Thank you.

Wildfire

I think I will create my own little world. Live in my little bubble, oblivious to others' negativity. Their snippy little comments, dirty comments, and made-up lies will not affect me. Yeah, right. In a perfect world. I have never seen a place where gossip spreads this fast. Its astounding, really. It is almost as if these people think they work for The Enquirer or something. Tomorrow someone may be carrying the bastard child of the loch ness monster.... or perhaps next week they will find aliens living in our ears. They should give out awards, only that would encourage their behavior. So I am going to do the best I can to deter all negative energy away from me. Wish me luck!

These are a few of my favorite things

I think I'm becoming addicted to this blog. Ok, well, perhaps not this blog exactly. But I definitely like this liberating feeling. The ability to say what is on my mind without worrying about what others think or whether or not I will offend them. This is where I can be myself. Uninterrupted. Not even Mr. likes everything on my blog. But secretly, I think he likes the fact that I have started this. Normally I have so much to tell him whenever we do get the chance to see each other, his head is spinning trying to keep up with me. In the past couple weeks, I have had another outlet for my thoughts and he can come read them whenever he has the time.

Anyhoo.

I just finished another book today. One of my romance books. Or "white trash books" as one of my friends might say. Yes, I read Harlequin romance books, and I'm proud of it. I read a lot. I mean A LOT. A reading habit can get expensive after a while. I will read anything you put in front of me. I love, love, LOVE books. Some of them are so intense, deep, sad, and thought-provoking. (These are not the ones I pick up in the grocery store. Obviously.) Sometimes, after reading those books, its nice to pick up a book that is a guaranteed happy ending. Plus I'm a romantic at heart. Not to mention, they are cheap! So now I'm going to start "Beneath the Marble Sky" by John Shors.

Battle of the Sexes

Mr. and I got into an argument. Well not really an argument, more like a heated discussion. Let me back up.

My mother has always been an excellent judge of character. I believe that is one of the things I inherited from her. She taught me to trust my gut instinct from a young age and so far it has done me well.

Mr.'s best friend has a girl he has been dating for several months now. I dont trust her. Yes, I have more proof than just my gut instinct. No, I won't go into it; but believe me, its enough.

Anyway, the discussion was based on the fact that I dont want to spend too much time with this girl. He "tolerates" her for his best friend. I am cordial. Mr. says it is just because I have a hard time getting along with women. (True, but getting along with someone and trusting them are two separate issues... I will get into that in a minute.) I really do not trust her. The fact that Mr. "tolerates" this girl says a lot. He is the type of man who will speak his mind and tell you like it is. That is one of the things I love about him, his honesty. Finally we just agreed to disagree and left it at that.

Now, I have always gotten along with the male species easier than the females. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. Now, there are a lot of girls who say that. But what they really mean is: "I have a lot of guy friends to go along with the plethora of girl friends that I have." Not so in my case.

Guys make more sense to me. They just do. The drama girls and the girly girls and the gossip girls tend to (not always) annoy me. And confuse me (99% of the time). Most, not all, of the female friends I have are tomboys. I, myself, am not a tomboy. I realize this does not make any sense. I do. I have issues, obviously. I fully recognize this fact, and am working on it.

Let me tell you about one of the things that confuse me. Say you tell a guy friend "I'm running low on money and my car just broke down." That guy friend will probably say somthing along the lines of "Yeah I hear you. I can't wait for payday. I need new tires, too. Sucks." A female friend turns it into a competition: "I've got to pay my credit card bill and my cell phone bill and... and... and...." Yeah, that sucks too. I'm not trying to compete with you. I just wanted someone to talk to. One is not better than the other. They suck equally. You want an award? Fine, I'll print a certificate for you as long as you listen to what I have to say once in a while.

This is just one example of something that baffles me. It is very likely that is just a case of miscommunication and misunderstanding. As is the case with many, many things.

Mr. says "You think too much, thats your problem."
See, I told you. He gets right to the point.

I don't get it...but then again, maybe it is better that I don't...

Perhaps it is a blessing that my car will not crank right now. Why? Now I dont have to worry about driving all over town looking for a station that actually has any gas, and then once I get there I dont have to worry about sitting in line for an hour to get it. While everyone else at work is panicking about gas I have no worries. I smile secretly to myself as I listen to the battle stories of thers who have tried to fill their tanks.

Yes, I live in that little part of the world where everyone freaked out and caused all the pumps to run dry. Not being born in the south, myself, while it is beautiful here and the people are friendly; sometimes I shake myself and sigh, amazed and puzzled by this behavior at the same time.

Let me give you an example. My freshman year, I believe it was, it was about 9 am and flurries had just started to fall from the sky. By 9:30 everyone was back on their respective buses and on their way back home. By 11 the flurries had stopped and by 3 in the afternoon you would never have known that we had any precipitation that day whatsoever. So the last time I went to visit friends and family in the north this was their reply:

"I can understand that, because you don't have any snow plows in the south, do you?"

"Yes we do. Several actually."

"Oh. But you don't salt the roads like we do here."

"Oh yes, we salt the roads. Perhaps not as often as you do, but more than enough for the amount of frozen precipitation that we actually do get"

"Oh." ...silence... "Well, I am sure that not many people have experience driving in snowy conditions"

"Yes, that is true. However if we ever got any snow I am sure they would have the chance to get that experience."

...And so it goes something like that. Maybe I am too cynical. Maybe I am just honest (thats what I think). Either way, I am the type of person that is really calm and laid back most of the time. It really takes a lot to get me worked up, and I really see no point in people running around worried about little things all the time. See, I am misunderstood A LOT, and maybe you can help me with that.. but thats a blog for another day.

Celebrity News

Normally I don't really pay attention to celebrity news. However, today there just so happened to be a lot of ... well, as my husband said it... "insightful" stuff to talk about today. So I will share with you...


Today's Celebrity News:

OMG!!!Clay Aiken is gay!!! um... duh. Who didn't know that? That was less shocking than Lance coming out of the closet. What's that you say? You werent surprised then? Exactly.

Tim Burton is creating another version of Alice in Wonderland!! ...And Johnny Depp is going to be the Mad Hatter. How cool is that going to be? I know, I know there are like a zillion different versions of Alice already, but come on its Tim Burton. You KNOW its gonna be awesome.
(Depp is also going to be playing the role of Tonto in "Lone Ranger" for those of you who are interested)

Queen Elizabeth is throwing a 50th anniversary party for the kids BBC show "Blue Peter." How sweet is that? I wanna party with the queen!

Last but not least... is anyone in the market for a new home? Britney Spears put her home on the market for the low price of $7.9 M. Um... Thanks, but no thanks! Thats all I will say about that, but you are probably thinking the same thing, so it goes without saying.

*All of today's celebrity news is from Yahoo.com*


TTFN! Ta- ta for now!

People are just loverly! Well.. some are...

I love rainbows. I love looking up in the sky after a rainy day ro see a nice, big, beautiful ray of hope sent down from above.

I saw my nice, big, beautiful rainbow today. Not in the literal sense of the word, but figuratively. Its all the same to me, though. It has the same effect. My heart swells in my chest and I grin from ear to ear like a great big goofy jack-o-lantern.

It is the little things, truly that have the greatest effect. The simplest things a person can do or say to change your day for the better....and it comes from the most unexpected people sometimes.

*sappy moment over*

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that..

OK, so its still raining. Er, well... pouring as the saying goes.

So I actually had a pretty stressful day, which is unusual because I actually LOVE my job. I really do. I don't love my coworkers. At all. Lets just say people talk too much and leave it at that. Its actually a good thing I dont have to talk to them much. VERY good. I just may have choked someone. Well not really but in my mind I was totally there.

So I guess I can't really complain. I just wanted to. Until I got to reading some blogs. That actually helped cheer me up. Some of these blogs are fantastic. I can only hope to be as talented one day.

Anyhoo.

I started to paint again. A landscape inspired by my calendar. Its actually a gorgeous picture. Nevertheless, I can't really say I'm as passionate about the picture as I would like to be, but I am hoping it will get my creative juices flowing and inspire me.

I miss it actually. Painting, dancing, photography, drawing... all of it. So I'm doing what I can to get back into it. Next up: Dancing. The last time I really went dancing was prom night. Six years ago. I had the greatest time, we (my date at the time and I) literally danced for hours on end. But my husband isn't much of a dancer. For now I'm confined to listening to my ipod and dancing alone in my bedroom. Hey, it works!

Jinxed?

Who came up with the phrase, "when it rains, it pours?"

I think they jinxed us all.

I haven't gotten a paycheck since June because the state's new computer system messed up my pay.... I won't even go there. Then my muffler fell off, the radiator sprung a leak, and the transmission went out on my husband's car. He's got another car, but its a gas guzzler and he has to take it to the mechanic at least twice a week so far. I lost some hours at my part time job due to unforseen circumstances... and then.. here is the icing on the cake. Ready for it? I think my starter is going bad, but I'm not quite sure. I just know I can't crank the stupid thing and it is currently another lawn ornament. And we just got rid of one. Figures.

So one part of me is saying keep positive... think happy thoughts... look for the silver lining...

The other part of me? Its saying screw you, I'm going back to bed!

Friends

An old friend found me on facebook today. I haven't seen her in 15 or 16 years. Which means the last time I saw her I was 7 or 8. I know that is kind of young, and it shouldn't be a big deal but it is. I had some great friends before I moved. That is definitely one thing I miss about New York is the friends I left.

Its funny the phases we go through with friends... or maybe its just me. I had probably four really good friends in New York before we moved. Then it wasnt until middle school until I made another good friend.... then another... and another... and then before long, I had another little group of four really good friends all the way through high school. Everyone knows that friendships fade sometimes, especially after graduation because people move away and go to college. I only keep in touch with two of those high school friends anymore, and even that is once in a blue moon. The funny thing is, my best guy friend, I could call him up for help or advice anytime, and even though we don't talk as often anymore he still knows me. Very well. Its shocking sometimes.

Is there a limit to how many good friends you get? I know thats a silly question. I feel like I've been so fortunate, being blessed with good friends so early in life. Now, 6 years after graduation, I miss those friendships that made me feel so blessed. I have friends now, and yes, they are great. I LOVE them. But most of them I got to know better through my husband, and I can't help but wonder if anything ever happended to us, heaven forbid, they may not speak to me again. Long story short: they are his friends. They come around and visit him. My husband thinks I'm being overanalyzing things and being too negative. I guess to a point he is right.

Still, I believe a woman should be able to have her friends, he should have his friends, and then there are 'our' friends.

Easier said than done. That wasn't very positive, was it? Oh well... I'll sleep on it.

"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

This has always been one of my favorite songs. Its kind of like an anthem for me. Every time I am down, streesed out, or upset, listening to this song lifts me up and empowers me. In a way, it represents what I am going through in my life right now. I heard this song when it was played on the radio last night. It was perfect timing and, of course, I turned it up and was singing along as I went down the road. I love it.

"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead release your fears

Stand up and be counted

Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said

Reading the books your father read

Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time

Some may have more cash than you

Others take a different view

My oh my, heh, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you

Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace

The world keeps on spinning

You can't stop it, if you try to

This time it's danger staring you in the face

Remember Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead release your fears

My oh my heh, hey, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

My first.

My very first blog.

Ever.

Ok, so I had an account on livejournal once, but I don't really count that. For starters, I knew everyone who would read what I wrote, so EVERYTHING I wrote was censored... which brings me to my second point. I hardly ever wrote anything. So, that didn't last too long.

I've always been curious about the world of blogging. The idea that I have no idea who will read this, is strangely liberating. I've come to realize in the past few months, that I am SO much of a people pleaser, that I have started to censor everything in my life. As a result, I have started to feel like I've lost part of who I am. Less than a handful of people probably know the true me, and that is including my husband.
Another recent revelation: that is no one's fault but my own.

Step number one: Learn how to speak freely without censoring myself.


Consider my cherry popped.