I am a walking contradiction..

I love to recieve gift cards. Gift cards are awesome, if they are for the right location. Its like a mini shopping spree, its great! BUT, I don't like to give gift cards. They don't really show that the person put much thought into the gift. I don't like to give gift cards unless I am SURE that it is to a place that they love, and that they need and will use it. There is one exception, though. More than I love to get gift cards, I LOVE surprises. And I love to get a great gift from someone who obviously put a lot of thought into me and the gift. My dad did a fabulous job of this last year!

Keeping that in mind, I make things extremely difficult on myself during the holidays. I love to give gifts that show people that I thought about them. I love to make things for people, to show them I put time and effort into something just for them. I am a perfectionist, so I want things to be just right. For example, I am drawing a picture of Marilyn Monroe, one of my sister's favorite people, for her for Christmas. I have drawn 3 Marilyns so far. I am not satisfied with any of these...I may draw a few more... who knows? She may or may not be just as happy with a gift card to Best Buy. One thing about making gifts for people, also, is the price factor. Obviously.

So during the holidays, I scour the stores for the perfect gift for someone. Usually its not something specific I have in mind for someone, but when I see something it just jumps out at me, and screams that person's name: "HELLO! WOULDN'T I LOOK JUST PERFECT IN YOUR DAD'S HOUSE?" That hasn't really happened this year. That's why, at two days before Christmas, I have five unfinished homemade gifts, and maybe three or four gifts that I need to get for people. I know I don't have to put myself through this. I can go down to Fatz or Target and get gift cards and be done with it. I WANT TO. I want to do this. So, I can't really complain. My loved ones who put up with me during this time of year? Bless you.

I stress myself out for weeks, ( because for some reason Christmas still seems like 6 months away at Thanksgiving .. oh, I have plenty of time... right) for what? For the look on that person's face when they open their gift. Because, hopefully, if I did it right, they will know that no matter what it cost, I cared to put time and effort into their gift. And they will just LOVE it. (In a perfect world.) But then, it will all be worth it. I don't care what I get, really. That small heartfelt smile on that one single day out of the year. That's what the craziness is all for. That's all I want.

Where did you go?

What would the world be like if no one could lie? I have always thought that honesty is always the best policy. However, there are some things people just shouldn't ask, though they will anyway. Some things just need to be kept private. Would the divorce rate be higher? or lower? How would lawyers and politicians do their job? Do the people from the TV show "Moment of Truth" know the aswer? As kids, we are taught not to lie. As adults we lie daily. "How are you doing today?" "Fine." Even though we are having a really crappy day, that is the 'polite' answer, right? But as a friend pointed out to me recently, its not polite to lie, so its not REALLY the polite answer. Some adults make their living from lying. They get paid money (a lot of money, usually) to lie. What about that little white lie, to protect someone's feelings? "Yes, I love that outfit on you!" (it makes you look like a circus tent!) If I ever look that bad in something, PLEASE tell me.

Wasn't it so easy as a kid, to say "I want to be an actress... or a painter... or a policeman.... or a teacher..." or whatever you were passionate about. Why does that become so complicated as an adult? Yes, I just totally just reminded myself of "Mr. Deeds."

As a kid, you know exactly who you are, what you like and what you don't like. Why do so many adults have to go "find themself"? Where did you go? What happened to us that made us lose that part of ourself?

The kid versions of ourselves would kick our adult asses.

Battle of the Sexes

Mr. and I got into an argument. Well not really an argument, more like a heated discussion. Let me back up.

My mother has always been an excellent judge of character. I believe that is one of the things I inherited from her. She taught me to trust my gut instinct from a young age and so far it has done me well.

Mr.'s best friend has a girl he has been dating for several months now. I dont trust her. Yes, I have more proof than just my gut instinct. No, I won't go into it; but believe me, its enough.

Anyway, the discussion was based on the fact that I dont want to spend too much time with this girl. He "tolerates" her for his best friend. I am cordial. Mr. says it is just because I have a hard time getting along with women. (True, but getting along with someone and trusting them are two separate issues... I will get into that in a minute.) I really do not trust her. The fact that Mr. "tolerates" this girl says a lot. He is the type of man who will speak his mind and tell you like it is. That is one of the things I love about him, his honesty. Finally we just agreed to disagree and left it at that.

Now, I have always gotten along with the male species easier than the females. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. Now, there are a lot of girls who say that. But what they really mean is: "I have a lot of guy friends to go along with the plethora of girl friends that I have." Not so in my case.

Guys make more sense to me. They just do. The drama girls and the girly girls and the gossip girls tend to (not always) annoy me. And confuse me (99% of the time). Most, not all, of the female friends I have are tomboys. I, myself, am not a tomboy. I realize this does not make any sense. I do. I have issues, obviously. I fully recognize this fact, and am working on it.

Let me tell you about one of the things that confuse me. Say you tell a guy friend "I'm running low on money and my car just broke down." That guy friend will probably say somthing along the lines of "Yeah I hear you. I can't wait for payday. I need new tires, too. Sucks." A female friend turns it into a competition: "I've got to pay my credit card bill and my cell phone bill and... and... and...." Yeah, that sucks too. I'm not trying to compete with you. I just wanted someone to talk to. One is not better than the other. They suck equally. You want an award? Fine, I'll print a certificate for you as long as you listen to what I have to say once in a while.

This is just one example of something that baffles me. It is very likely that is just a case of miscommunication and misunderstanding. As is the case with many, many things.

Mr. says "You think too much, thats your problem."
See, I told you. He gets right to the point.

I don't get it...but then again, maybe it is better that I don't...

Perhaps it is a blessing that my car will not crank right now. Why? Now I dont have to worry about driving all over town looking for a station that actually has any gas, and then once I get there I dont have to worry about sitting in line for an hour to get it. While everyone else at work is panicking about gas I have no worries. I smile secretly to myself as I listen to the battle stories of thers who have tried to fill their tanks.

Yes, I live in that little part of the world where everyone freaked out and caused all the pumps to run dry. Not being born in the south, myself, while it is beautiful here and the people are friendly; sometimes I shake myself and sigh, amazed and puzzled by this behavior at the same time.

Let me give you an example. My freshman year, I believe it was, it was about 9 am and flurries had just started to fall from the sky. By 9:30 everyone was back on their respective buses and on their way back home. By 11 the flurries had stopped and by 3 in the afternoon you would never have known that we had any precipitation that day whatsoever. So the last time I went to visit friends and family in the north this was their reply:

"I can understand that, because you don't have any snow plows in the south, do you?"

"Yes we do. Several actually."

"Oh. But you don't salt the roads like we do here."

"Oh yes, we salt the roads. Perhaps not as often as you do, but more than enough for the amount of frozen precipitation that we actually do get"

"Oh." ...silence... "Well, I am sure that not many people have experience driving in snowy conditions"

"Yes, that is true. However if we ever got any snow I am sure they would have the chance to get that experience."

...And so it goes something like that. Maybe I am too cynical. Maybe I am just honest (thats what I think). Either way, I am the type of person that is really calm and laid back most of the time. It really takes a lot to get me worked up, and I really see no point in people running around worried about little things all the time. See, I am misunderstood A LOT, and maybe you can help me with that.. but thats a blog for another day.