Little Man

It's really amazing how much you can feel for a person who isn't even here yet. At 22 weeks in the womb, he's really just a concept. Someone I haven't met yet. But he's my nephew, and there's something wrong with his heart. When he's born he will need surgery. It's a lot to ask of this little man, a lot he will have to go through at such an early age.

My sister is strong, she's handling it well, I think. I know she will be an awesome mother. The father, her boyfriend, who, I'll admit I wasn't really crazy about when they first got together, has been really great to her through her pregnancy and all of the stress so far. I'm glad.

I didn't really expect tears to come to my eyes when I found out about little man....and I'm just his aunt. I am still amazed at the miracle of motherhood, I have no idea what it's like but one day (no hurry!) I would like to.

One thing is for certain, though. He's not alone. He may be just 22 weeks in the womb. Someone I've yet to meet. But I will. Already he is so loved by everyone around him.

The Youngest, Shortest, Eldest Sibling

Yesterday was my little brother's birthday. Well, Monday. Technically its Wednesday now, to the rest of the world. But in my world, I haven't gone to sleep yet, so its still Tuesday to me.

He's 17 now. SEVENTEEN! I don't know what it is that makes me expect him to stay the same little boy he always was. I was there when he was born, I remember waking up in the middle of the night the day he was born. I remember babysitting him when he was little. Then in his preteens he was the biggest brat. But whether it was this, or that, he's a junior in high school now and one of the smartest, most generous, thoughtful and talented kids in his school. Which is a 13 hour drive away from here. :( Clearly, visits are rare and I miss him. But...I'm very proud of him.

My little sister is four months pregnant. I say little, but she's only 18 months younger. It took me a long time to put that into perspective, growing up. She always did everything first. She's got more guts than me, I guess. She got braces first, dyed her hair, got contacts, (even dated!), bought a house last year, and now she's pregnant. It's a boy, by the way. One thing I did do before her was get married. I'm thrilled for her. I'm so excited to be an aunt!

Honestly, I don't know where I was going with all of this. Just thinking, I guess. Something that has been on my mind lately, is I'm not the person I want to be. That's nobody's fault really, but my own. So, now that I've realized that, I've been working on it. One of the things I was really excited about when I started this blog was being able to be myself, unfiltered, and uncensored. But I didn't really follow that. I watch what I say...and sometimes I say nothing at all. Because I know some of the people who read them, and I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be used against me.

It's funny how different siblings turn out to be sometimes. Or, in other cases, how similar. I know there are never any "favorites," but sometimes, its just obvious that some personalities and/or interests of parents and children mesh better than with others. I guess. I don't really mesh. I've admired both my brother and sister for being able to speak their mind to my parents, and to be themselves. It always amazed me how better liked they seemed to be growing up than I. But then again "The grass is always greener," huh?

Wow, I'm all over the place with my thoughts today, aren't I? Welcome to my mind....