I am a walking contradiction..

I love to recieve gift cards. Gift cards are awesome, if they are for the right location. Its like a mini shopping spree, its great! BUT, I don't like to give gift cards. They don't really show that the person put much thought into the gift. I don't like to give gift cards unless I am SURE that it is to a place that they love, and that they need and will use it. There is one exception, though. More than I love to get gift cards, I LOVE surprises. And I love to get a great gift from someone who obviously put a lot of thought into me and the gift. My dad did a fabulous job of this last year!

Keeping that in mind, I make things extremely difficult on myself during the holidays. I love to give gifts that show people that I thought about them. I love to make things for people, to show them I put time and effort into something just for them. I am a perfectionist, so I want things to be just right. For example, I am drawing a picture of Marilyn Monroe, one of my sister's favorite people, for her for Christmas. I have drawn 3 Marilyns so far. I am not satisfied with any of these...I may draw a few more... who knows? She may or may not be just as happy with a gift card to Best Buy. One thing about making gifts for people, also, is the price factor. Obviously.

So during the holidays, I scour the stores for the perfect gift for someone. Usually its not something specific I have in mind for someone, but when I see something it just jumps out at me, and screams that person's name: "HELLO! WOULDN'T I LOOK JUST PERFECT IN YOUR DAD'S HOUSE?" That hasn't really happened this year. That's why, at two days before Christmas, I have five unfinished homemade gifts, and maybe three or four gifts that I need to get for people. I know I don't have to put myself through this. I can go down to Fatz or Target and get gift cards and be done with it. I WANT TO. I want to do this. So, I can't really complain. My loved ones who put up with me during this time of year? Bless you.

I stress myself out for weeks, ( because for some reason Christmas still seems like 6 months away at Thanksgiving .. oh, I have plenty of time... right) for what? For the look on that person's face when they open their gift. Because, hopefully, if I did it right, they will know that no matter what it cost, I cared to put time and effort into their gift. And they will just LOVE it. (In a perfect world.) But then, it will all be worth it. I don't care what I get, really. That small heartfelt smile on that one single day out of the year. That's what the craziness is all for. That's all I want.

HOOORAY!!

So it looks like I got one of the things I wanted for Christmas! A week early! My computer, obviously is back. Oh, how I have missed it. My poor darling computer was sick now it has been healed. Just in time, too, since I am off for the next two weeks... Christmas vacations are FABULOUS!!! So, hopefully I will have time to spend on my blog which has been sadly neglected for a while. HOOOORAAY!!!

Normally this would be the point where I say crazy moment over, but, no. That is not my mind. My mind is full of crazy. Its beautiful like that. I love it. I had actually started writing on paper *gasp* **shock** .. yes, its true. I wrote down some of the things that were on my mind... That helped some. It is such a huge weight off to get some of the things in my head out. I may, or may not add what I wrote on paper onto my blog... it just depends. On what, I don't know. I don't really have a point or know where I was going with that. I'm just here. Following where my fingers lead me. The smaller parts of my brain are working now, the crazy chaotic things that float around some of the bigger, (not more important, just more functional) parts of my brain are working with my fingertips to give you what you read on the screen. No thought process whatsoever. I am on vacation. So is the greater part of my brain, apparently..... It's like someone said at work tonight, "I just want to go home and watch something on TV that requires absolutely no thought." I kind of feel like that in a way. I just had a rough and wild night, I am just so thrilled to be home and in my pajamas, with my dear computer back. Dorky, yes. Do I care? No.

Well, I am off to "fry my brain" in front of the television as my mother would say.

See you soon!! (I can actually say that and mean it now!!)