I'm back! Well, Kind of...

I've been away again. This time not intentionally nor for a good reason. My computer decided to take a big poop. :( I still may not be able to get on as often as I would like until it gets fixed.... which might take a while.

I've gotten the urge to start another painting. I'm not sure of the composition yet, but I think it would be fun to paint all the beautiful colors of autumn leaves. Rich reds, warm orange, and brilliant yellows start to bloom on the mountainside like spring flowers in a field. Who wouldn't love to live near that?

In other news, I think I may have to break down and read "Twilight." After reading my favorite Blog, Clever Girl Goes Blog, and after much buzz about the series I have decided to check it out. Usually when something gets a big craze, I resent it. I still haven't given Harry Potter a try. I heard a lot from a friend about "Twilight", too. But it kind of turned me off the book even more because he was talking about it ALL THE TIME. Which is a trend for him... if he likes something, believe me you will know because it is all he has on his mind.... and it must have taken him three months to read the book because that's all I heard all summer long. I was starting to wonder how long it takes to read the book. But I'm getting off topic. I also just finished "The Secret Life of Bees" a couple days ago. I wanted to read it before I saw the movie. Another reason why I'm going to read "Twilight." The movie comes out this winter.

I'm rambling a little bit today, I'm just so happy to get to write something. I never imagined I would miss my little blog so much, and I've not even had it that long. I guess it's like my baby. :)

Oh, speaking of "The Secret Life of Bees" have you heard about jennifer Hudson's family? How sad is that? The movie just came out and she should be celebrating its success, but instead three members of her family have been murdered this weekend (last I heard). My thoughts and prayers are with her.

Oh, I was an outstanding citizen today! I voted! Not only did I vote, but I voted early! Yay me! I'm not going to tell you who I voted for. I'll just let you guess because I don't like to get into debates about things that have been going on for what seems like 4 years. I can't wait until Tuesday. Maybe then I will stop getting all of the junk mail from the candidates. Here's to hoping the next four years are better than the last eight!!

I've had a song stuck in my head for the past couple of days. "I want you to want me." At least it's a good song. I've got a 70's CD with lots of wonderful songs but that seems to be the only one that wants to play in my CD player. Go figure. :)

Like I said, I'm rambling today. About nothing and everything. And I wish I could go on for another hour but, unfortunately time does not allow. Hopefully I'll be back soon.

Don't color outside the lines!

I was totally blank yesterday. I was all ready to write. I wanted to write. I had the screen up and ready... nothing. NOTHING came to mind. Well... kind of. Its hard to tell if I have so many things floating around in my pretty little head that I've blocked them all out, or if I'm really an airhead and there is nothing there. Ever have that problem? Anyway I ended up sitting there, looking at the computer screen for like two hours.



So, I went looking for something to talk about. (Meanwhile my friend probably thinks I'm a complete lunatic for staring at the computer screen forever. ) I ran across an archive in one of my favorite blogs (Clever Girl Goes Blog) and got an idea. Its one of those photobucket quizzes you see everywhere. I thought it was a good idea since I couln't think of anything to say, and "a picture is worth a thousand words." But then I realized it would take me forever because I would like to look at all the pictures and then pick the one I like best.... so I decided to do it another rainy day. After all of that... I ended up with nothing. Obviously.



Today, is another story. I actually have something to talk about today if you couldn't tell already.

And I froze. For like 30 minutes. I said I had something to talk about then nothing. How sad is that? I had the same problem at work this afternoon, too. Ok, let me back up and start at the beginning. So, I moved to a new area this year and the people who occupied the space before me took literally everything out, so I had a blank canvas to start with. Pretty cool, right? So, we got a little here and there, its a work in progress and we're poor. So it was looking kind of "just got out of college and got my first place so I have some hand me down furniture and a bunch of mis-matched things from yard sales and thrift-shops"-esque. It wasn't the Ritz-Carlton, but it was cute. Like I said, a work in progress.

Anyhoo.

My boss requested to have some furniture moved from another building (that no one is using) to our area...and the request was denied. GRRR. Back to the drawing board. So, while I was off over the weekend, apparently we had some visitors.... and the visitors made some comments about how the place looked. So, the big wigs got mad, then my boss got mad, and eventually I was mad too. Lovely. So after the big wigs got mad, my boss went out and bought some stuff (think: the 70's, lace, frou frou, cheap halloween decorations and floral prints) and went into my area and moved stuff around and redecorated. That, by itself made me mad. I hate for people to move my stuff around. It looked, (excuse me, looks) like a nursing home. I don't work in a nursing home. Wondermus.

So, I moved a couple things back. Then my boss came in and chewed me out... I held it together until after she left then I lost it and cried. A moment of weakness, I know, but unless you were there you can't judge me. It goes without saying that my area still looks like a nursing home... and I can't do anything about it. It is, literally, driving me crazy. I feel oppressed. I'm suffocating. It's awful. All of this has ultimately resulted in a complete block of all creativity. I realize that I should probably talk to my boss about this, but I haven't worked up the guts yet. I know I didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, and it has been several years since a supervisor has made me feel that way. I guess the way my mind works, the limitations set on how I am allowed to place my furniture has transferred to limiting how I am allowed to express my ideas.

Is it crazy to think all of this has carried over to my little blog, causing me to limit my creativity here, too?

Where did you go?

What would the world be like if no one could lie? I have always thought that honesty is always the best policy. However, there are some things people just shouldn't ask, though they will anyway. Some things just need to be kept private. Would the divorce rate be higher? or lower? How would lawyers and politicians do their job? Do the people from the TV show "Moment of Truth" know the aswer? As kids, we are taught not to lie. As adults we lie daily. "How are you doing today?" "Fine." Even though we are having a really crappy day, that is the 'polite' answer, right? But as a friend pointed out to me recently, its not polite to lie, so its not REALLY the polite answer. Some adults make their living from lying. They get paid money (a lot of money, usually) to lie. What about that little white lie, to protect someone's feelings? "Yes, I love that outfit on you!" (it makes you look like a circus tent!) If I ever look that bad in something, PLEASE tell me.

Wasn't it so easy as a kid, to say "I want to be an actress... or a painter... or a policeman.... or a teacher..." or whatever you were passionate about. Why does that become so complicated as an adult? Yes, I just totally just reminded myself of "Mr. Deeds."

As a kid, you know exactly who you are, what you like and what you don't like. Why do so many adults have to go "find themself"? Where did you go? What happened to us that made us lose that part of ourself?

The kid versions of ourselves would kick our adult asses.

A quick review

So, it has been a few days. Oh, how I have missed you dear friend. It has been a long weekend full of family togetherness and everything that comes with family time. I would elaborate, but I'm still sorting it all out myself.



Anyhoo.

I've had a bad couple of days at work. Normally I would go into detail and analyze every little bit. Not this time. This time I will just say I was treated badly and I've learned from my experience. I will not dwell. I will not analyze. I will not obsess. Because of this, I will be a stronger person. (I'm telling myself this as much as I am you. Just so you know. )

So, I finished "Beneath a Marble Sky"... finally. It normally doesn't take me that long to read a book. This one was not quite an easy read. That does not make it a bad book by any means, it was quite a good book. I enjoy historical fiction novels. This particular one was based on the legend that the Taj Mahal was built for a lost love. It is a beautiful story.

Thus concludes the past couple of days. I am running out of time, so I will stop here for now. But I look forward to coming back later.

I don't wanna grow up....

I have an interview. In the morning. I just found out this afternoon. Normally I don't tell ANYONE until I actually get the job. I tell myself its to avoid jinxing myself, but truly its just to avoid embarrassment if I don't get the job. This time... I don't know if I even want the job. I love my job now. No, I don't see myself working in this exact position for 30 years, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave yet. I work second shift now, the job is first shift. My husband works third. I am a night owl, not an early bird. I love the kids I work with now. The job I applied for is a T.A. ; and part of the reason I even applied in the first place was because of my mother.

Ah, yes, we've brought out the family card. Now there's a can of worms you DON'T want to tackle. But take it or leave it, its part of me.

So, every time a job opening comes open, especially one first shift she makes sure to let me know. And asks me every time we talk if I've applied yet. Now, this is entirely my fault that I let this go on (because I'm chicken shit but let's not get into that today) and I've told her about a Special Education program that is offered in our town starting next year. The classes are offered at night. See the connection? I can take classes in another town during the day, but it is a 45 minute commute, one way.

Here's the other problem. Everyone (parents and friends) seems to want me to go into education and become a teacher. Both of my parents are teachers. A very dear friend of mine who passed away last year, saw a lot of her younger self in me. Her dream was to become a teacher and she never reached that goal. Thus, she wanted me to become a teacher. I guess that all of these people probably think it is my dream to become a teacher. I'm not so sure that is true. Honestly, I don't know what I want to do exactly. I just know I want to get my Bachelor's degree. Soon. If I keep going in Special Education, I should have a little over a year left to graduate.

My problem is I want to do it all. Why pick just one thing? Here is what I have narrowed it down to: Art, Art therapy, photography, interior design, interpreting, wedding planning, child therapy....This is just a brief list of things that I am interested in, in no particular order. If I dedicate one day a week to each of these, I'll get to do everything I love! In a perfect world, right?

Back to the original problem... and my temporary solution. I interview tomorrow. Just because I interview, doesn't mean I get the job... and just because they offer me the job doesn't mean I have to take the job. So, technically I still have some time to think it through....

As my mind wanders...

I had a few minutes to let my mind wander today....this is what I thought about.

* Why are pineapples called pineapples? They don't look or taste anything like an apple, and they don't grow on trees. Why not pinepeach? or spikeymelon? Just curious...

* Was Smurfette a hoe? She was the only female smurf (that I remember) and there were a ton of guys.. and some kids.... Either a hoe or one lucky girl?

* What kind of drugs are the people who come up with cartoons now on? Ed, Ed, and Eddie? Poke'mon? Spongebob? I mean, seriously... if you are running out of ideas, just ask for help I am sure someone can come up with something better. Why is something that looks like someone scrubbed their bathroom with a hit television show? Whatever happened to Fraggle Rock? the Jetsons? Gummi Bears? ..or even the classic looney tunes or disney cartoons? I feel sorry for these kids now who are our future, growing up watching a bathroom sponge courting a squirrell at the bottom of the ocean. If I offend anyone, too bad. If you are old enough to remember what Fraggle Rock is, you probably agree with me.

* Why can't people look past a person's appearance to who they truly are? At this day and age, you would think we have gotten past all of the ignorance and immaturity of prejudice. As Gwen Stefani so eloquently puts it, "We've got a long way to go."

* I still think it sucks that I can watch everything I eat and exercise just to prevent from gaining weight, while my sister can eat everything under the sun that she feels like and not exercise but she, as Mr. likes to put it, looks like a zipper if she sticks out her tongue. Yeah, yeah genetics... blah blah blah... metabolism... blah blah blah...Why can't I donate some of my gut so she can have a butt and some boobs like a woman is supposed to?... And why do people ask what's wrong with me that I'm a big, curvy woman, and she is not? What's wrong with her (not just her but all of the girls in the world that are like this...) ?She eats more than I but looks like Paris Hilton. Doesn't make much sense to me either....

* Why do some shows have to end? Like they said, nobody wants to see "Friends" in their thirties, married with children... Yes, I do. After all that will they, won't they drama, you're telling me I can't actually see Ross and Rachel as a couple? ... and whatever happens to people who disappear off television shows? "Family Matters" for example, Judy and Aunt Rachel disappear after like the first or second season. Aunt Rachel's son Richie still exists, without explaination where his mother is. How much sense does this make?

* Has anyone heard about the guy in Indonesia who had tree-ish branches growing out of his body? No joke, I'm not making this up!! (look it up.. Discoveryhealth.com) Explain that, science! Ok, so maybe they did.. they said its basically HPV out of control.... (I'm going to be a total girl right now..) EEW, GROSS!!

On a happier note...

* Has anyone ever chased a rainbow? Just to see how close they could get? Get back to me on that one... I'd like to visit Dorothy in Oz....

Treats

You know you have a good haircut when nearly three months after you get your hair done, people are still giving you compliments and asking if you just got your hair done. "Um... no, I got it done last June, but thank you" (thank you for not noticing the roots that I can so clearly see in the mirror). So the comments stopped about two weeks ago, and considering I just got paid, I thought I would treat myself to another nice haircut, color and wax. I just love how I feel afterwards.

I also treated myself to a new cell phone. I have been waiting for almost a year to get a new one. I did have a Motorola Q and the battery life was SO short, I had to carry a charger with me everywhere. I got the new Env2 yesterday in maroon. Its so pretty. I love it. Now, I may be eating ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the month, but it was worth it not having to put up with the headache my old phone gave me.

So, I'm kind of driving Mr. crazy this weekend. Not on purpose. I love him, but it is pretty funny. See, I'm babysitting. I'm babysitting a stuffed animal for a kid. (I say kid, but this kid is a senior in high school. Hey, we are all kids at heart!) So, I went to the dollar store to look for some little doll clothes and diapers for the "baby." As something to make my friend laugh, I decided to take pictures of the adventures the monkey and I will have this weekend. Kind of like the garden gnome on "Amelie." So I've got pictures of this monkey with me getting my hair done, at Target, at Verizon, playing RockBand2 and even having a late night meal at Denny's.

Mr.- "You don't think you are going a little too far with this?"
Me- "No, why?"
Mr.- "You're sewing clothes for a stuffed animal!"
Me- "Yeah, they were too big, I had to alter them to fit."
Mr.- "It's a stuffed animal, it doesn't need clothes! ... And you're a grown woman carrying around a stuffed animal. It's a little embarrassing!"
Me- "Only embarrassing to you. You're the only one not having any fun."

As someone who generally likes to stand out from the crowd, its funny how he is getting worked up about this.

I feel like Mulan - "When will my reflection show who I am inside?"

I don't play poker. I probably should. I'm told I have a great poker face. The problem is I wear that poker face all the time. Much, much more than I should.

I used to be misunderstood a great deal because of this. I still am, to those who don't know me well. Sometimes it is a good thing, in the face of drama or danger I am able to keep my cool. I guess the problem occurs when something really great and exciting happens, my expressions and behavior don't match what I'm feeling. I know that sounds strange. When someone tells me they just got into a great university inside I'm thrilled for them. Bursting at the seams, absolutely, positively thrilled. Instead of smiling, and saying, thats great news (which is what I actually did) I should have given them a hug and a huge flashing smile and said "I'm so proud of you."
My response was decent I guess, but for being one of the first people this person told, it just didn't seem like enough to me.

That seems to happen a lot. Something will happen, and my mind freezes. Goes completely blank, like when you are taking a test, only I actually don't have that problem with tests. My mind is backwards. I just cannot think of what to say until HOURS afterwards. I wish I could be one of those quick, witty, friendly, bubbly, approachable people. I just never learned how.

Rollercoaster Ride

It is officially the first day of October. I know, I know, everyone says it. But, I swear it feels like September 1st was last week. Wow. But I'm so very glad it is October, mainly because it ia pay day. Hooray!!!

Anyhoo.

Today was a rollercoaster ride. It started out up, because, I got paid. Obviously. Then I was running late for my first job. Downward slope. After that, I enjoyed a bit of lunch with Mr. and went to work this evening on a high note. Long, steady incline. Not long after I started my shift, I found out some of the negative energy I was telling you all about was quadrupling its power today. Downward spiral. Then I spoke with my supervisors. They are brilliant, wonderful women, let me tell you. I couldn't ask for better bosses. Anyhoo. They came up with a plan to counteract... the drama. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Worked like a charm. Oh, and did I mention that my car is fixed? I can drive myself to and from work and go get myself food. At this point, I am no longer on the rollercoaster; I am riding in a hot-air balloon.

I am loving it. So, thank you to all of the well-wishers who read yesterday's blog... all one of you. (You know who you are.) Gracias. Danke. Thank you.