Wildfire

I think I will create my own little world. Live in my little bubble, oblivious to others' negativity. Their snippy little comments, dirty comments, and made-up lies will not affect me. Yeah, right. In a perfect world. I have never seen a place where gossip spreads this fast. Its astounding, really. It is almost as if these people think they work for The Enquirer or something. Tomorrow someone may be carrying the bastard child of the loch ness monster.... or perhaps next week they will find aliens living in our ears. They should give out awards, only that would encourage their behavior. So I am going to do the best I can to deter all negative energy away from me. Wish me luck!

These are a few of my favorite things

I think I'm becoming addicted to this blog. Ok, well, perhaps not this blog exactly. But I definitely like this liberating feeling. The ability to say what is on my mind without worrying about what others think or whether or not I will offend them. This is where I can be myself. Uninterrupted. Not even Mr. likes everything on my blog. But secretly, I think he likes the fact that I have started this. Normally I have so much to tell him whenever we do get the chance to see each other, his head is spinning trying to keep up with me. In the past couple weeks, I have had another outlet for my thoughts and he can come read them whenever he has the time.

Anyhoo.

I just finished another book today. One of my romance books. Or "white trash books" as one of my friends might say. Yes, I read Harlequin romance books, and I'm proud of it. I read a lot. I mean A LOT. A reading habit can get expensive after a while. I will read anything you put in front of me. I love, love, LOVE books. Some of them are so intense, deep, sad, and thought-provoking. (These are not the ones I pick up in the grocery store. Obviously.) Sometimes, after reading those books, its nice to pick up a book that is a guaranteed happy ending. Plus I'm a romantic at heart. Not to mention, they are cheap! So now I'm going to start "Beneath the Marble Sky" by John Shors.

Battle of the Sexes

Mr. and I got into an argument. Well not really an argument, more like a heated discussion. Let me back up.

My mother has always been an excellent judge of character. I believe that is one of the things I inherited from her. She taught me to trust my gut instinct from a young age and so far it has done me well.

Mr.'s best friend has a girl he has been dating for several months now. I dont trust her. Yes, I have more proof than just my gut instinct. No, I won't go into it; but believe me, its enough.

Anyway, the discussion was based on the fact that I dont want to spend too much time with this girl. He "tolerates" her for his best friend. I am cordial. Mr. says it is just because I have a hard time getting along with women. (True, but getting along with someone and trusting them are two separate issues... I will get into that in a minute.) I really do not trust her. The fact that Mr. "tolerates" this girl says a lot. He is the type of man who will speak his mind and tell you like it is. That is one of the things I love about him, his honesty. Finally we just agreed to disagree and left it at that.

Now, I have always gotten along with the male species easier than the females. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends. Now, there are a lot of girls who say that. But what they really mean is: "I have a lot of guy friends to go along with the plethora of girl friends that I have." Not so in my case.

Guys make more sense to me. They just do. The drama girls and the girly girls and the gossip girls tend to (not always) annoy me. And confuse me (99% of the time). Most, not all, of the female friends I have are tomboys. I, myself, am not a tomboy. I realize this does not make any sense. I do. I have issues, obviously. I fully recognize this fact, and am working on it.

Let me tell you about one of the things that confuse me. Say you tell a guy friend "I'm running low on money and my car just broke down." That guy friend will probably say somthing along the lines of "Yeah I hear you. I can't wait for payday. I need new tires, too. Sucks." A female friend turns it into a competition: "I've got to pay my credit card bill and my cell phone bill and... and... and...." Yeah, that sucks too. I'm not trying to compete with you. I just wanted someone to talk to. One is not better than the other. They suck equally. You want an award? Fine, I'll print a certificate for you as long as you listen to what I have to say once in a while.

This is just one example of something that baffles me. It is very likely that is just a case of miscommunication and misunderstanding. As is the case with many, many things.

Mr. says "You think too much, thats your problem."
See, I told you. He gets right to the point.

I don't get it...but then again, maybe it is better that I don't...

Perhaps it is a blessing that my car will not crank right now. Why? Now I dont have to worry about driving all over town looking for a station that actually has any gas, and then once I get there I dont have to worry about sitting in line for an hour to get it. While everyone else at work is panicking about gas I have no worries. I smile secretly to myself as I listen to the battle stories of thers who have tried to fill their tanks.

Yes, I live in that little part of the world where everyone freaked out and caused all the pumps to run dry. Not being born in the south, myself, while it is beautiful here and the people are friendly; sometimes I shake myself and sigh, amazed and puzzled by this behavior at the same time.

Let me give you an example. My freshman year, I believe it was, it was about 9 am and flurries had just started to fall from the sky. By 9:30 everyone was back on their respective buses and on their way back home. By 11 the flurries had stopped and by 3 in the afternoon you would never have known that we had any precipitation that day whatsoever. So the last time I went to visit friends and family in the north this was their reply:

"I can understand that, because you don't have any snow plows in the south, do you?"

"Yes we do. Several actually."

"Oh. But you don't salt the roads like we do here."

"Oh yes, we salt the roads. Perhaps not as often as you do, but more than enough for the amount of frozen precipitation that we actually do get"

"Oh." ...silence... "Well, I am sure that not many people have experience driving in snowy conditions"

"Yes, that is true. However if we ever got any snow I am sure they would have the chance to get that experience."

...And so it goes something like that. Maybe I am too cynical. Maybe I am just honest (thats what I think). Either way, I am the type of person that is really calm and laid back most of the time. It really takes a lot to get me worked up, and I really see no point in people running around worried about little things all the time. See, I am misunderstood A LOT, and maybe you can help me with that.. but thats a blog for another day.

Celebrity News

Normally I don't really pay attention to celebrity news. However, today there just so happened to be a lot of ... well, as my husband said it... "insightful" stuff to talk about today. So I will share with you...


Today's Celebrity News:

OMG!!!Clay Aiken is gay!!! um... duh. Who didn't know that? That was less shocking than Lance coming out of the closet. What's that you say? You werent surprised then? Exactly.

Tim Burton is creating another version of Alice in Wonderland!! ...And Johnny Depp is going to be the Mad Hatter. How cool is that going to be? I know, I know there are like a zillion different versions of Alice already, but come on its Tim Burton. You KNOW its gonna be awesome.
(Depp is also going to be playing the role of Tonto in "Lone Ranger" for those of you who are interested)

Queen Elizabeth is throwing a 50th anniversary party for the kids BBC show "Blue Peter." How sweet is that? I wanna party with the queen!

Last but not least... is anyone in the market for a new home? Britney Spears put her home on the market for the low price of $7.9 M. Um... Thanks, but no thanks! Thats all I will say about that, but you are probably thinking the same thing, so it goes without saying.

*All of today's celebrity news is from Yahoo.com*


TTFN! Ta- ta for now!

People are just loverly! Well.. some are...

I love rainbows. I love looking up in the sky after a rainy day ro see a nice, big, beautiful ray of hope sent down from above.

I saw my nice, big, beautiful rainbow today. Not in the literal sense of the word, but figuratively. Its all the same to me, though. It has the same effect. My heart swells in my chest and I grin from ear to ear like a great big goofy jack-o-lantern.

It is the little things, truly that have the greatest effect. The simplest things a person can do or say to change your day for the better....and it comes from the most unexpected people sometimes.

*sappy moment over*

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that..

OK, so its still raining. Er, well... pouring as the saying goes.

So I actually had a pretty stressful day, which is unusual because I actually LOVE my job. I really do. I don't love my coworkers. At all. Lets just say people talk too much and leave it at that. Its actually a good thing I dont have to talk to them much. VERY good. I just may have choked someone. Well not really but in my mind I was totally there.

So I guess I can't really complain. I just wanted to. Until I got to reading some blogs. That actually helped cheer me up. Some of these blogs are fantastic. I can only hope to be as talented one day.

Anyhoo.

I started to paint again. A landscape inspired by my calendar. Its actually a gorgeous picture. Nevertheless, I can't really say I'm as passionate about the picture as I would like to be, but I am hoping it will get my creative juices flowing and inspire me.

I miss it actually. Painting, dancing, photography, drawing... all of it. So I'm doing what I can to get back into it. Next up: Dancing. The last time I really went dancing was prom night. Six years ago. I had the greatest time, we (my date at the time and I) literally danced for hours on end. But my husband isn't much of a dancer. For now I'm confined to listening to my ipod and dancing alone in my bedroom. Hey, it works!

Jinxed?

Who came up with the phrase, "when it rains, it pours?"

I think they jinxed us all.

I haven't gotten a paycheck since June because the state's new computer system messed up my pay.... I won't even go there. Then my muffler fell off, the radiator sprung a leak, and the transmission went out on my husband's car. He's got another car, but its a gas guzzler and he has to take it to the mechanic at least twice a week so far. I lost some hours at my part time job due to unforseen circumstances... and then.. here is the icing on the cake. Ready for it? I think my starter is going bad, but I'm not quite sure. I just know I can't crank the stupid thing and it is currently another lawn ornament. And we just got rid of one. Figures.

So one part of me is saying keep positive... think happy thoughts... look for the silver lining...

The other part of me? Its saying screw you, I'm going back to bed!

Friends

An old friend found me on facebook today. I haven't seen her in 15 or 16 years. Which means the last time I saw her I was 7 or 8. I know that is kind of young, and it shouldn't be a big deal but it is. I had some great friends before I moved. That is definitely one thing I miss about New York is the friends I left.

Its funny the phases we go through with friends... or maybe its just me. I had probably four really good friends in New York before we moved. Then it wasnt until middle school until I made another good friend.... then another... and another... and then before long, I had another little group of four really good friends all the way through high school. Everyone knows that friendships fade sometimes, especially after graduation because people move away and go to college. I only keep in touch with two of those high school friends anymore, and even that is once in a blue moon. The funny thing is, my best guy friend, I could call him up for help or advice anytime, and even though we don't talk as often anymore he still knows me. Very well. Its shocking sometimes.

Is there a limit to how many good friends you get? I know thats a silly question. I feel like I've been so fortunate, being blessed with good friends so early in life. Now, 6 years after graduation, I miss those friendships that made me feel so blessed. I have friends now, and yes, they are great. I LOVE them. But most of them I got to know better through my husband, and I can't help but wonder if anything ever happended to us, heaven forbid, they may not speak to me again. Long story short: they are his friends. They come around and visit him. My husband thinks I'm being overanalyzing things and being too negative. I guess to a point he is right.

Still, I believe a woman should be able to have her friends, he should have his friends, and then there are 'our' friends.

Easier said than done. That wasn't very positive, was it? Oh well... I'll sleep on it.

"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

This has always been one of my favorite songs. Its kind of like an anthem for me. Every time I am down, streesed out, or upset, listening to this song lifts me up and empowers me. In a way, it represents what I am going through in my life right now. I heard this song when it was played on the radio last night. It was perfect timing and, of course, I turned it up and was singing along as I went down the road. I love it.

"You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead release your fears

Stand up and be counted

Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said

Reading the books your father read

Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time

Some may have more cash than you

Others take a different view

My oh my, heh, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you

Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace

The world keeps on spinning

You can't stop it, if you try to

This time it's danger staring you in the face

Remember Listen as your day unfolds

Challenge what the future holds

Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears

Go ahead release your fears

My oh my heh, hey, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

My first.

My very first blog.

Ever.

Ok, so I had an account on livejournal once, but I don't really count that. For starters, I knew everyone who would read what I wrote, so EVERYTHING I wrote was censored... which brings me to my second point. I hardly ever wrote anything. So, that didn't last too long.

I've always been curious about the world of blogging. The idea that I have no idea who will read this, is strangely liberating. I've come to realize in the past few months, that I am SO much of a people pleaser, that I have started to censor everything in my life. As a result, I have started to feel like I've lost part of who I am. Less than a handful of people probably know the true me, and that is including my husband.
Another recent revelation: that is no one's fault but my own.

Step number one: Learn how to speak freely without censoring myself.


Consider my cherry popped.