Little Man

It's really amazing how much you can feel for a person who isn't even here yet. At 22 weeks in the womb, he's really just a concept. Someone I haven't met yet. But he's my nephew, and there's something wrong with his heart. When he's born he will need surgery. It's a lot to ask of this little man, a lot he will have to go through at such an early age.

My sister is strong, she's handling it well, I think. I know she will be an awesome mother. The father, her boyfriend, who, I'll admit I wasn't really crazy about when they first got together, has been really great to her through her pregnancy and all of the stress so far. I'm glad.

I didn't really expect tears to come to my eyes when I found out about little man....and I'm just his aunt. I am still amazed at the miracle of motherhood, I have no idea what it's like but one day (no hurry!) I would like to.

One thing is for certain, though. He's not alone. He may be just 22 weeks in the womb. Someone I've yet to meet. But I will. Already he is so loved by everyone around him.

The Youngest, Shortest, Eldest Sibling

Yesterday was my little brother's birthday. Well, Monday. Technically its Wednesday now, to the rest of the world. But in my world, I haven't gone to sleep yet, so its still Tuesday to me.

He's 17 now. SEVENTEEN! I don't know what it is that makes me expect him to stay the same little boy he always was. I was there when he was born, I remember waking up in the middle of the night the day he was born. I remember babysitting him when he was little. Then in his preteens he was the biggest brat. But whether it was this, or that, he's a junior in high school now and one of the smartest, most generous, thoughtful and talented kids in his school. Which is a 13 hour drive away from here. :( Clearly, visits are rare and I miss him. But...I'm very proud of him.

My little sister is four months pregnant. I say little, but she's only 18 months younger. It took me a long time to put that into perspective, growing up. She always did everything first. She's got more guts than me, I guess. She got braces first, dyed her hair, got contacts, (even dated!), bought a house last year, and now she's pregnant. It's a boy, by the way. One thing I did do before her was get married. I'm thrilled for her. I'm so excited to be an aunt!

Honestly, I don't know where I was going with all of this. Just thinking, I guess. Something that has been on my mind lately, is I'm not the person I want to be. That's nobody's fault really, but my own. So, now that I've realized that, I've been working on it. One of the things I was really excited about when I started this blog was being able to be myself, unfiltered, and uncensored. But I didn't really follow that. I watch what I say...and sometimes I say nothing at all. Because I know some of the people who read them, and I don't want my thoughts and feelings to be used against me.

It's funny how different siblings turn out to be sometimes. Or, in other cases, how similar. I know there are never any "favorites," but sometimes, its just obvious that some personalities and/or interests of parents and children mesh better than with others. I guess. I don't really mesh. I've admired both my brother and sister for being able to speak their mind to my parents, and to be themselves. It always amazed me how better liked they seemed to be growing up than I. But then again "The grass is always greener," huh?

Wow, I'm all over the place with my thoughts today, aren't I? Welcome to my mind....

Me-Dates!

I love calendars. I love big ones with pretty pictures to post on the wall. I also like the little ones you can set on your desk, and tear off a page and it has something new for you every single day. Its a mini treat for myself. Its fun. Last year, my dad gave me a book a day calendar, and it was great. I got a lot of great books to add to my "to read" list! This year, I found something fun as I was checking out in Barnes and Noble. I just got it recently, so, I'm having to catch up.

Friday, January 16 in "The Bad Girl's Rage-A-Day 2009 Daily Calendar":

"Today's to-do: Take yourself on a me date!
You'll never be bored when you're dating yourself! Before you can fall in love with someone else, you have to fall hard for yourself. And that can take time. So go ahead and start the long, luscious process of self-seduction."


Now, this calendar has some suggestions of their own, some involving bubbly, some involving mirrors and feathers and bras...

However, I'm thinking since the Hallmark holiday V-Day is coming up soon, why not treat yourself?

Some of my Me-Date ideas:

Spend the entire day in Barnes and Noble and AC Moore, then follow it up with a nice dinner. Not just a salad, either. On a Me-Date, who cares if you eat all of the rolls?

For a warm-weather day, definitely go for a nice, not too hard hike up to some waterfalls, pack a picnic. Read. Take pictures. Draw. Watch the birds. If its a private waterfall, go skinny dipping or sunbathe. If its public, get wet, but keep the clothes on.

Bubble bath. Good book. Something sparkling in a pretty wine glass. 'nuff said.

Chick Flick Night.

Mani/Pedi... then shoe shopping!



I'm definitely going to make some time for some Me-Dates! What are your Me-Date ideas?

Blank....

I've gotten onto blogger almost every night, checking out other blogs. My faves are listed on the sidebar, check them out. While I've not been writing much, they have some interesting things to say. I've wanted to write, but some of the things that are on my mind lately, I haven't been able to figure out.... and some of the things that I have figured out, I'm not sure if I want to post them online for the world to see. Not like the world reads my little blog, but.....

I apologize for the lameness of this blog, but you gotta start somewhere. That's something I notice about myself. If I get out of the habit of doing something, like writing, it makes it harder to get back into the habit. Even if its something that I want to do, if I'm out of the habit, I lack inspiration. Does anyone else have that problem?

Well, I will keep this short since I have to get up for class tomorrow. I will actually have to get up early a lot within the next week or so. All of the budget cuts at work have actually helped me to get some extra hours in, helping another department. That way they don't have to pay extra for someone outside to come in and help; they just use the "resources" they already have.. hence, me. I'm excited about it though. Its something that I have been trying to learn and improve in for a while, and it's a great opportunity. I'm just not looking forward to the reduced hours I will spend behind my lovely little lamb sleep mask! Oh well. Give and take, I guess.

Oh, and I got a lovely new ipod shuffle this weekend. I'm really excited about listening to some actual music instead of all of the just graduated teenie boppers talking about how wasted they got at this monster party this weekend. I. Dont. Care. I will listen to Pink instead. And my painting will be much better, because I will not be frustrated with noise pollution. Excited, I am. Yep yep yep.

RELAX!...?

There aren't enough hours in the day. I know everyone says that, but its true. There's so much I want to do and don't get to. Naturally, my sleep suffers as a result of this....

So, I was talking to a friend, we'll call him D, this evening before I came home, and yawned.

D: You need to get some rest!

Me: I do rest!

D: No, you need to go home, and just watch a movie or something, NOTHING else. That's why your back hurts all the time, cuz you're always doing something else.

Me: huh?

D: Go home, do what you need to on the computer. An hour, tops, that's plenty of time to do what you need to. Then, TURN IT OFF, close it, and put it away. Then just lay back and relax, watch a movie. You might even fall asleep.

Me: ...and do NOTHING else but watch the movie? really? How?

D: Just do it.


(D will probably text me as soon as he reads this, 'THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID!' hehe... Sorry! I'm not very good at memorizing conversations verbatim... but that was pretty much the gist of the conversation, you can at least admit that.)


SO, obviously I haven't done that yet. I'm actually getting pretty close to the hour limit. I am always, always doing something. I'm on the computer, reading a book or magazine, drawing, painting, talking, texting. I literally go crazy just sitting, doing nothing. Mr. can sit and listen to the radio. Why? There aren't any pictures (not like pictures stop me...I can't even sit still through a music video. Maybe I should get that checked out..) but, just sitting, staring at the walls, listening to the radio? There's other things you can do at the same time...virtually anything really.

I've always been that way. Multitasking, keeping busy, whatever you want to call it. When I was younger, I would come home, listen to music, eat a snack, and do my homework, AND talk on the phone sometimes. Hey, it worked for me! I graduated High School with a 4.2 GPA on a weighted scale...

I work in a school, so I get two months off for the summer every year. Which is both good and bad.. good because I love the summer and the time off, bad because I don't get paid. Anyhoo...the most recent summer, just for an example, since I had plenty of time, obviously, I was known to paint the kitchen cabinets and read an entire book in a day, sometimes at the same time.

That's hilarious. D just text me (I can get this verbatim! )"You ain't relaxed, yet huh?" He knows me so well! So I'm going to try it. Relax. Sit. Watch a movie. Do NOTHING ELSE. I wonder how long before I get restless or fall asleep....

Looking towards the future

What a historical day. Well, yesterday, technically. Obama is officially our president. Finally! Inauguration day, for most people is a really exciting day. If I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning, I may have been more enthused myself. I honestly intended on watching the event. I didn't know it started at noon. I saw something about 8pm...so I was planning to watch that. Don't ask. I really thought it started that late. I didn't care about Bush, to be quite honest with you, so I didn't pay attention the last time... and before that, I was too young. Anyhoo... I was sleeping through the whole thing. Hence, I was completely lost when I got to work and everyone was talking about it. How powerful his speech was.... how beautiful the music was... what Michelle was wearing....

It really is exciting. I truly believe that he will make a difference and that change is coming. I do have a question, though. Like I said, I never paid attention before, so don't laugh. Or laugh. I can be pretty unobservant at times. ahem. Anyhoo, is Inauguration always the day after Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? Probably is. I just thought it was a really big coinky-dink the two days were back to back like that. So.... it got me thinking....obviously I'm really behind, because people have been thinking about this forever already. I really should pay better attention sometimes. BUT, I found this video, and I thought it was really touching...If you've already seen it, humor me.

The Undomestic Goddess

I'm not really a housewife. Never really wanted to be. The whole staying at home cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, cooking, and cleaning some more... never reall interested me. I need to get out of the house. Work, do things.... learn things.

Don't get me wrong, I love to cook.... when I have someone to cook FOR. I don't like to cook for just one or two of us, I end up with a lot of leftovers, and I'm not good with leftovers. I don't do dishes, either. I would not mind cleaning everything in the entire house.... including the bathroom before I do the dishes. It's bad. Like, seriously, if someone is willing to come to my house and wash dishes for me, I WILL PAY. Mr.? Don't get me started. "I didn't dirty them, so why should I wash them?" How about you eat the food I fixed in that pot? Sorry. Touchy subject. You know, actually, household chores in this house are such a battle, it's gotten to the point where we do our own laundry. I do mine. He does his. But that's a blog for another day.

So, I actually do love to cook. I'm really good at baking sweets, those are my favorites. Cookies, pies, cakes, brownies, pumpkin rolls. Everyone loves my pumkin rolls for the holidays. I can follow directions in any cookbook really well! As far as dinners and such, there's not much I can do in that area. Sloppy Joes, Tacos, Cheese Dip, burgers, grilled cheese, anything in a box like Hamburger Helper or Mac and Cheese, or the dinner in a box. I'm good at those, too. That's about it. I can't even do meatloaf, which I hear is supposed to be really easy.

So, today, for lunch, I made homemade macaroni and cheese. It was not my first attempt, and it was sort of a success. If by success you mean edible and on a taste factor of 1 to 5 it was a 2.. MAYBE 2.5. The first attempt was a total failure. I followed the recipe... but ... the cheese and the milk didn't really blend together.. and it tasted really funny. Don't ask how you mess up mac and cheese, but I did it. This time, it worked out ok. Perhaps it was just the recipe, but it wasn't the best I've had by a long shot. After cooking the noodles until they were al dente, in another pot I melted the butter, and then whisked in the flour. At this point I was somewhat confused because it had the consistency of cookie dough.

But, of course, I continued to follow the directions on the recipe, feeling exactly how I imagined Samantha Sweeting felt on her first day as a housekeeper in "The Undomestic Goddess" by Sophie Kinsella.




Which, by the way, is a really funny book if you haven't read it. For both the real life undomestic goddesses, or the really domestic goddesses. Imagine a big-time lawyer, overworked and overstressed due to certain circumstances becomes a housemaid. It's a good, funny, summer read. I know it's winter, but, in some parts of the world it feels like summer, so that's good enough for me. Perhaps, like Samantha, I will one day become a domestic goddess. Or perhaps not.